watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize