Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
