no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
