at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
