We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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