well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize