Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
