A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
where are you?
Hypothermia
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
