i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Swine flu is the new snow day.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
