scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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