Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
