respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
