have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
