Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
