i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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