Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
