I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
