does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
