i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
This is the high leading the old right now
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
