I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
