he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize