I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
