so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
