Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
