There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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