I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
