Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
