and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
