who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
