ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
