he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize