In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
