I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
