So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize