why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
We are two peas in an std pod
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
