I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Small penises have feelings too.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
