your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
