So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Come see our sink grown plant.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
