Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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