How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
