dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize