Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
