I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
