we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
