I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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