I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
