So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
