I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I enjoy the company of your penis
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
