Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(808): View more from Hawaii

I need to stop coming to work sober

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?

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(701): View more from North Dakota

The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.

(406): View more from Montana

And we all know God doesn't like sinners.

(701): View more from North Dakota

Amen.

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(702): View more from Nevada

Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia

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(620): View more from Kansas

In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.

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(907): View more from Alaska

I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.

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(425): View more from Washington

She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it

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