8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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