One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Vodka?
Forever.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
