Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
