How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
