It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
