i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
