Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
