He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
