U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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