Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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