She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Randomize
