Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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