am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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