I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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