I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
