I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The Olympian is in my bed
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize