I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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