i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm just crazy horny about you
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
