Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
