Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
No subtext here. People are naked.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
