You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
